I probably shouldn't be all too surprised with the number of people that based their presentations on "how do we know ourselves," but I couldn't help but feel a bit of shock. What I imagined as a serious academic presentation ended up as a sort of "show and tell." Everyone brought a little bit of themselves to share with the group, and then sat back to take in the rest of the presentations. It amazes me what all has been brought to the table. So many personal things that I'd never care to share in front of a group of my peers, yet many of you boldly went up and delved into yourselves, bringing up a deep and delicate fact for everyone to hear. That really speaks for the group as a whole. I think it's inspiring that though we might not all be BFFs, we care enough and have enough trust to be able to bring up deep stuff like that and be there for each other. We've really subconsciously developed into a family.
The question used was "how do we know ourselves?" Presenters then went into detail about a hardship or experience they dealt with and how that experience shaped them. Discussions have come to a bit of a standstill, as everyone is just repeating the same things stated in previous discussions. At this point, we're all seniors. We've all had a lot to deal with in life, some of it good and some of it bad. Every experience we have shapes us in some way. The scale varies, but the change still occurs. After 17 or 18 years, I wonder how one could not know themselves after all of those experiences. Granted, the whole you has yet to develop, but you'd think you'd know a basic framework at least.
That last comment was probably awful.
I don't have anything to ask here. I just wanted to thank everyone for sharing pieces of themselves.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
A Glimpse at Reality
A picture is worth a thousand words. A video is comprised of millions of pictures. Real life is an infinitely changing picture, which is in essence many pictures. In that case, would watching a movie that was about photographs be worth infinitely much? And if words often mean nothing, does that mean that all of that is worth nothing too?
Since the dawn of time, people have tried to figure each other out. The only thoughts we truly know are the ones we have (and even those can be kinda sketchy sometimes), so the mystery of someone else's mind can be rather impossible to ever know. In the course of my life, I've found that words and actions can both be faked. However, the closest thing to incorruptible I know of seems to be reactions. Reactions, to me, seem to be short instinctive bursts of a person's true views on whatever they're reacting to. These can be as simple as a look, a twitch, or as complicated as a drawing inspired by whatever inspired them. Now this is not meant to discredit all words or actions, or say that every reaction is genuine - just that I've found reactions to be telling signs of people's character.
...well this is weird.
I rarely write stuff like this. I think I need to write something else to balance this out. But at the same time, I realize exactly what I've written. My mind has many innerworkings, as does every mind, and this sort of thought is very constant in my head. It's become increasingly rare that I express this particular thought process externally, however, as I just don't have time. Fortunately I still have a tiny bit of time to think. Thinking is one of my favorite things about being a human. It would seem most other animals are ruled by instincts, but humans have the power of free thought. What a gift that is! Entire universes can coexist inside the brain that created them. Real-life and imaginary can meet and create inspiration. A mind can function as a workshop of ideas, generating thousands per second. The human mind is an absolutely fascinating thing, and it almost makes me want to go into neurology. But then I might have to look at brains...eww.
Perhaps the most useless function of the human mind is the insane ability to overthink literally everything that ever happens. Mine seems to love this skill, and revels in every layer it adds to the simplicity of having a brain and being alive. Weird.
There are a lot of questions that could stem from this topic, so...any questions?
Since the dawn of time, people have tried to figure each other out. The only thoughts we truly know are the ones we have (and even those can be kinda sketchy sometimes), so the mystery of someone else's mind can be rather impossible to ever know. In the course of my life, I've found that words and actions can both be faked. However, the closest thing to incorruptible I know of seems to be reactions. Reactions, to me, seem to be short instinctive bursts of a person's true views on whatever they're reacting to. These can be as simple as a look, a twitch, or as complicated as a drawing inspired by whatever inspired them. Now this is not meant to discredit all words or actions, or say that every reaction is genuine - just that I've found reactions to be telling signs of people's character.
...well this is weird.
I rarely write stuff like this. I think I need to write something else to balance this out. But at the same time, I realize exactly what I've written. My mind has many innerworkings, as does every mind, and this sort of thought is very constant in my head. It's become increasingly rare that I express this particular thought process externally, however, as I just don't have time. Fortunately I still have a tiny bit of time to think. Thinking is one of my favorite things about being a human. It would seem most other animals are ruled by instincts, but humans have the power of free thought. What a gift that is! Entire universes can coexist inside the brain that created them. Real-life and imaginary can meet and create inspiration. A mind can function as a workshop of ideas, generating thousands per second. The human mind is an absolutely fascinating thing, and it almost makes me want to go into neurology. But then I might have to look at brains...eww.
Perhaps the most useless function of the human mind is the insane ability to overthink literally everything that ever happens. Mine seems to love this skill, and revels in every layer it adds to the simplicity of having a brain and being alive. Weird.
There are a lot of questions that could stem from this topic, so...any questions?
Monday, November 26, 2012
First World Problems
I hold a certain amount of disdain for Microsoft. I've always been an Apple guy and never learned how to properly operate a Windows computer, but had never really had any true animosity towards Microsoft until...the incident.
I own an Xbox 260. I don't play online because it costs money, and own only 4 games - one of these was a gift and one is my dad's. I have two controllers instead of the usual four, and try to make it as cost-effective as possible. Now I am frustrated by how much all of these things cost, but I haven't really complained. I accepted the fact that I get what I pay for and moved on.
Recently, I bought Halo 4, also known as the greatest non-Nintendo game ever. It comes with two discs, one of which needs to be installed onto the Xbox hard drive. Unfortunately, my Xbox does not have enough starting memory to install the disc, meaning that I cannot play any multiplayer games. I've already beaten the campaign, and additional memory is going to cost money. Which frustrates me immensely. I mean, I bought the danged game but I can't play it without spending more? There has to be something wrong with that, right?
Well, that was the most superficial thing I've ever posted. Hopefully I won't write anything dumb like this again.
I own an Xbox 260. I don't play online because it costs money, and own only 4 games - one of these was a gift and one is my dad's. I have two controllers instead of the usual four, and try to make it as cost-effective as possible. Now I am frustrated by how much all of these things cost, but I haven't really complained. I accepted the fact that I get what I pay for and moved on.
Recently, I bought Halo 4, also known as the greatest non-Nintendo game ever. It comes with two discs, one of which needs to be installed onto the Xbox hard drive. Unfortunately, my Xbox does not have enough starting memory to install the disc, meaning that I cannot play any multiplayer games. I've already beaten the campaign, and additional memory is going to cost money. Which frustrates me immensely. I mean, I bought the danged game but I can't play it without spending more? There has to be something wrong with that, right?
Well, that was the most superficial thing I've ever posted. Hopefully I won't write anything dumb like this again.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
The End is Near
Well, it happened again. I became too caught up in the world to post (either that or I kept forgetting. One of the two). But as you might have guessed, I'm here to talk about the end.
Today my mind is thinking in terms of ending. Thanksgiving break has ended, meaning a return to the drudgery that is school. My IA is done, lifting a huge weight off of my chest, but the fact that the tri is only near its end means I have to recover from my slacker-ness and figure stuff out. The year is almost over, which in all honesty means nothing to me (maybe I'll have a New Year's party or something). The world is about to end, if we're to believe the Mayans. Most of all, however, is the fact that for most of the people reading this, high school ends in less than a year. This last one, I believe, is the most important.
High school has by far been the most important time of my life to date (as it should be). However, I've realized that much of high school isn't really about the education. It's about learning how to learn, developing good habits and skills, and as a place to find yourself. Granted, all of these can be said about college as well, but it's important to at least get a sense of each of these before you go. After high school, life won't get any easier until retirement (which by the time most of us retire will probably be at age 80). This is as easy as it's going to get.
I've been thinking a lot about myself lately, which is kind of conceited. I have a habit of reflecting on myself a lot and just pondering everything that's happened to me. A friend recently brought something I had written last year into focus. I was a much different person in so many bad ways. Plagued by doubt, depression, thoughts of suicide, and an overwhelming amount of stress, I was not in the best of places. And yet, somehow, something clicked. The sadness and suicide went away, and though the doubt remained it wasn't nearly as strong. Though my disdain of school remained, I "bucked up" and started doing work again. I became very close friends with two of the unlikeliest people - one whom I hated in middle school, and one whom I probably never would have talked to were it not for her decision to do full IB and her rather eccentric brother.
Looking even farther back, to that horrid place known as middle school, there is even more change. In all honesty, I was a complete and utter ass in middle school. I had no purpose, no real friends, and most notably no real connection to music. I floated through, not really trying in any aspect except to be liked. This, in my mind, meant fighting my way to the top and sucking up to those already there.
If I could go back in time and slap myself silly, there's a large possibility I'd do it.
Interesting. As I'm writing this, my mom decided to play the song "What a Wonderful World."
I was also a very nervous person in those days. I wanted no dirt on me, so I hid or suppressed much of who I was, trying to control it. I became exactly what middle school is designed to create - an ass. Sorry JMS, but I have no fond memories of you and am glad I don't have to go back.
With the help of a very powerful youth director and an opportunity to join theatre, I found something I had never had before - a community that accepted me for me. This would eventually blossom into long-lasting friendships, an extra-curricular I actually enjoyed, and the beginning of the road to where I am today. Now, as the end approaches, I can look back on all of this with a smile. Whether the smile is spiteful or not, it's relieving.
Some endings in life have been good, and some have been bad. Some have come exactly when scheduled, and some have jumped out of the blue to throw me off. The end of this blog post, which I believe I'm about to reach, is very welcome considering the day ended 51 minutes ago.
This will not be the last blog post. The title says "The End is Near," not "The End is Here." I think I might like to continue blogging, too. That might be fun.
Today's question is a simple one: as your senior year is coming to an end, just look back on how far you've come. If you feel so inclined, write about it. I think this could be very interesting, and I'm excited to see what people say.
Today my mind is thinking in terms of ending. Thanksgiving break has ended, meaning a return to the drudgery that is school. My IA is done, lifting a huge weight off of my chest, but the fact that the tri is only near its end means I have to recover from my slacker-ness and figure stuff out. The year is almost over, which in all honesty means nothing to me (maybe I'll have a New Year's party or something). The world is about to end, if we're to believe the Mayans. Most of all, however, is the fact that for most of the people reading this, high school ends in less than a year. This last one, I believe, is the most important.
High school has by far been the most important time of my life to date (as it should be). However, I've realized that much of high school isn't really about the education. It's about learning how to learn, developing good habits and skills, and as a place to find yourself. Granted, all of these can be said about college as well, but it's important to at least get a sense of each of these before you go. After high school, life won't get any easier until retirement (which by the time most of us retire will probably be at age 80). This is as easy as it's going to get.
I've been thinking a lot about myself lately, which is kind of conceited. I have a habit of reflecting on myself a lot and just pondering everything that's happened to me. A friend recently brought something I had written last year into focus. I was a much different person in so many bad ways. Plagued by doubt, depression, thoughts of suicide, and an overwhelming amount of stress, I was not in the best of places. And yet, somehow, something clicked. The sadness and suicide went away, and though the doubt remained it wasn't nearly as strong. Though my disdain of school remained, I "bucked up" and started doing work again. I became very close friends with two of the unlikeliest people - one whom I hated in middle school, and one whom I probably never would have talked to were it not for her decision to do full IB and her rather eccentric brother.
Looking even farther back, to that horrid place known as middle school, there is even more change. In all honesty, I was a complete and utter ass in middle school. I had no purpose, no real friends, and most notably no real connection to music. I floated through, not really trying in any aspect except to be liked. This, in my mind, meant fighting my way to the top and sucking up to those already there.
If I could go back in time and slap myself silly, there's a large possibility I'd do it.
Interesting. As I'm writing this, my mom decided to play the song "What a Wonderful World."
I was also a very nervous person in those days. I wanted no dirt on me, so I hid or suppressed much of who I was, trying to control it. I became exactly what middle school is designed to create - an ass. Sorry JMS, but I have no fond memories of you and am glad I don't have to go back.
With the help of a very powerful youth director and an opportunity to join theatre, I found something I had never had before - a community that accepted me for me. This would eventually blossom into long-lasting friendships, an extra-curricular I actually enjoyed, and the beginning of the road to where I am today. Now, as the end approaches, I can look back on all of this with a smile. Whether the smile is spiteful or not, it's relieving.
Some endings in life have been good, and some have been bad. Some have come exactly when scheduled, and some have jumped out of the blue to throw me off. The end of this blog post, which I believe I'm about to reach, is very welcome considering the day ended 51 minutes ago.
This will not be the last blog post. The title says "The End is Near," not "The End is Here." I think I might like to continue blogging, too. That might be fun.
Today's question is a simple one: as your senior year is coming to an end, just look back on how far you've come. If you feel so inclined, write about it. I think this could be very interesting, and I'm excited to see what people say.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Placebo
Before you even say anything - yes, I am being a tad hypocritical with this simultaneous posts. In my defense, this is the first time my schedule has allowed me to think this week, and everything I'm talking stems from today or yesterday.
I wear a cross necklace every day. It's a rather simple cross, carved from some sort of wood by a man in Honduras. It was a gift from my grandpa, who went there doing mission work. My sister and all of my cousins on my mom's side have one, but I am the only one who consistently wears it. I wear it not to mark me as a Christian but to help me remember that I am one and act like one (something I don't always do). The ELCA Lutheran way is to love everyone, and in weeks such as this one I can become significantly less than loving.
Anywho, I hadn't worn said cross for about 2 weeks because the cord had come apart and was unusable. I hadn't asked my mom to fix it because she has been nearly as busy as I have, and hadn't done it myself because I'm afraid to dig in mom's bottomless room of crafting materials looking for one little piece of string. During the entirety of this state of limbo, I felt as if something was missing. I don't know what that thing was, but it set me on edge. Last night, I arrived home at 10:37 at night after a preview show to find that my necklace had been fixed. I put it on, of course, and immediately felt a sense of calm wash over me. I felt more like myself again, and as if I was back in control of my life. I have no idea how a little piece of wood can do something like that, but it certainly did last night (don't you DARE go there).
From my own experiences, I've found that simple faith in something can be one of the most powerful forces known to man. Religion is the largest and most obvious of these, being entirely based on faith - even taking the name of "faith" in some cases. I hold a lot of faith in my religious beliefs, which influences all aspects of my life to some extent. I hadn't ever really held any large belief involving my cross, but it certainly seems to make me feel better when I wear it. What is this feeling? It could be God reaching out, but it could just as easily be a placebo. This simple feeling translates into religion as a whole. Certain feelings felt attributed as the Holy Spirit moving in people could just as likely be a placebo, and vise versa. This, of course, is much more serious than my little cross issue, but it's something to ponder nonetheless.
What did I feel? I couldn't tell ya. But if you have any similar experiences with this sort of feeling (whether they be religious-based or not) I invite you to share them. Give your opinion on the matter if you like. We could all use this to develop a broadened understanding on this issue.
I wear a cross necklace every day. It's a rather simple cross, carved from some sort of wood by a man in Honduras. It was a gift from my grandpa, who went there doing mission work. My sister and all of my cousins on my mom's side have one, but I am the only one who consistently wears it. I wear it not to mark me as a Christian but to help me remember that I am one and act like one (something I don't always do). The ELCA Lutheran way is to love everyone, and in weeks such as this one I can become significantly less than loving.
Anywho, I hadn't worn said cross for about 2 weeks because the cord had come apart and was unusable. I hadn't asked my mom to fix it because she has been nearly as busy as I have, and hadn't done it myself because I'm afraid to dig in mom's bottomless room of crafting materials looking for one little piece of string. During the entirety of this state of limbo, I felt as if something was missing. I don't know what that thing was, but it set me on edge. Last night, I arrived home at 10:37 at night after a preview show to find that my necklace had been fixed. I put it on, of course, and immediately felt a sense of calm wash over me. I felt more like myself again, and as if I was back in control of my life. I have no idea how a little piece of wood can do something like that, but it certainly did last night (don't you DARE go there).
From my own experiences, I've found that simple faith in something can be one of the most powerful forces known to man. Religion is the largest and most obvious of these, being entirely based on faith - even taking the name of "faith" in some cases. I hold a lot of faith in my religious beliefs, which influences all aspects of my life to some extent. I hadn't ever really held any large belief involving my cross, but it certainly seems to make me feel better when I wear it. What is this feeling? It could be God reaching out, but it could just as easily be a placebo. This simple feeling translates into religion as a whole. Certain feelings felt attributed as the Holy Spirit moving in people could just as likely be a placebo, and vise versa. This, of course, is much more serious than my little cross issue, but it's something to ponder nonetheless.
What did I feel? I couldn't tell ya. But if you have any similar experiences with this sort of feeling (whether they be religious-based or not) I invite you to share them. Give your opinion on the matter if you like. We could all use this to develop a broadened understanding on this issue.
I Shouldn't Be Alive
Well, I made it. The so-called "Hell Week" of the musical is over, and finally the show opens tonight. No more rehearsals from after school until 10 with a mere 45 minutes of dinner break - I get to go home tonight and rest.
Or I would, except I have way too much to do.
This busy week has utterly offset my schedule. Voice lessons, piano lessons, and Senior Choir at church were not even a considerable option this week. Hanging out with friends - even less of an option. Worst of all, I found little energy or time for homework. In a world where every class and activity tells you that it is your priority, I felt as if 4 trains were pulling me apart. With all of the vehicle analogies being used by my teachers, this ironic feeling was just another mound of dirt on my grave. This concept of "everything is your top priority" is one of the most frustrating things to me, and this isn't even taking into account that I might have things I want to do. It's all very overwhelming for an easily-stressed high school kid that still needs to fill out college applications.
Today in Spanish, however, I saw a glimmer of light. Knowing I didn't have rehearsal today was a plus, but the kicker was something I had been missing for a long time.
We got to color.
I've always liked drawing, and I'd been feeling rather deprived of late as I hadn't drawn in quite some time. I also hadn't felt any inspiration in even longer. As I looked at the Dia de los Muertos skull, I saw a familiar face - the Joker - forming in my mind. This led to me coloring Joker, Batman, and Bane in skull form. It was just nice - no pressure, no goal, no time limit, a positive outcome. This is something that is very healthy for me, and it is unhealthy to not do. I've always felt that leaving myself time for activities like this should be a priority for me, but anything I want to do always comes second. The outside world doesn't care what your meager wishes are - it is your priority.
Here's my question:
What is better - listening to your heart or your mind?
This can be answered in relation to this blog post or not. Your choice.
Or I would, except I have way too much to do.
This busy week has utterly offset my schedule. Voice lessons, piano lessons, and Senior Choir at church were not even a considerable option this week. Hanging out with friends - even less of an option. Worst of all, I found little energy or time for homework. In a world where every class and activity tells you that it is your priority, I felt as if 4 trains were pulling me apart. With all of the vehicle analogies being used by my teachers, this ironic feeling was just another mound of dirt on my grave. This concept of "everything is your top priority" is one of the most frustrating things to me, and this isn't even taking into account that I might have things I want to do. It's all very overwhelming for an easily-stressed high school kid that still needs to fill out college applications.
Today in Spanish, however, I saw a glimmer of light. Knowing I didn't have rehearsal today was a plus, but the kicker was something I had been missing for a long time.
We got to color.
I've always liked drawing, and I'd been feeling rather deprived of late as I hadn't drawn in quite some time. I also hadn't felt any inspiration in even longer. As I looked at the Dia de los Muertos skull, I saw a familiar face - the Joker - forming in my mind. This led to me coloring Joker, Batman, and Bane in skull form. It was just nice - no pressure, no goal, no time limit, a positive outcome. This is something that is very healthy for me, and it is unhealthy to not do. I've always felt that leaving myself time for activities like this should be a priority for me, but anything I want to do always comes second. The outside world doesn't care what your meager wishes are - it is your priority.
Here's my question:
What is better - listening to your heart or your mind?
This can be answered in relation to this blog post or not. Your choice.
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