The End is Near

Well, it happened again. I became too caught up in the world to post (either that or I kept forgetting. One of the two). But as you might have guessed, I'm here to talk about the end.

Today my mind is thinking in terms of ending. Thanksgiving break has ended, meaning a return to the drudgery that is school. My IA is done, lifting a huge weight off of my chest, but the fact that the tri is only near its end means I have to recover from my slacker-ness and figure stuff out. The year is almost over, which in all honesty means nothing to me (maybe I'll have a New Year's party or something). The world is about to end, if we're to believe the Mayans. Most of all, however, is the fact that for most of the people reading this, high school ends in less than a year. This last one, I believe, is the most important.

High school has by far been the most important time of my life to date (as it should be). However, I've realized that much of high school isn't really about the education. It's about learning how to learn, developing good habits and skills, and as a place to find yourself. Granted, all of these can be said about college as well, but it's important to at least get a sense of each of these before you go. After high school, life won't get any easier until retirement (which by the time most of us retire will probably be at age 80). This is as easy as it's going to get.

I've been thinking a lot about myself lately, which is kind of conceited. I have a habit of reflecting on myself a lot and just pondering everything that's happened to me. A friend recently brought something I had written last year into focus. I was a much different person in so many bad ways. Plagued by doubt, depression, thoughts of suicide, and an overwhelming amount of stress, I was not in the best of places. And yet, somehow, something clicked. The sadness and suicide went away, and though the doubt remained it wasn't nearly as strong. Though my disdain of school remained, I "bucked up" and started doing work again. I became very close friends with two of the unlikeliest people - one whom I hated in middle school, and one whom I probably never would have talked to were it not for her decision to do full IB and her rather eccentric brother.

Looking even farther back, to that horrid place known as middle school, there is even more change. In all honesty, I was a complete and utter ass in middle school. I had no purpose, no real friends, and most notably no real connection to music. I floated through, not really trying in any aspect except to be liked. This, in my mind, meant fighting my way to the top and sucking up to those already there.

If I could go back in time and slap myself silly, there's a large possibility I'd do it.

Interesting. As I'm writing this, my mom decided to play the song "What a Wonderful World."

I was also a very nervous person in those days. I wanted no dirt on me, so I hid or suppressed much of who I was, trying to control it. I became exactly what middle school is designed to create - an ass. Sorry JMS, but I have no fond memories of you and am glad I don't have to go back.

With the help of a very powerful youth director and an opportunity to join theatre, I found something I had never had before - a community that accepted me for me. This would eventually blossom into long-lasting friendships, an extra-curricular I actually enjoyed, and the beginning of the road to where I am today. Now, as the end approaches, I can look back on all of this with a smile. Whether the smile is spiteful or not, it's relieving.

Some endings in life have been good, and some have been bad. Some have come exactly when scheduled, and some have jumped out of the blue to throw me off. The end of this blog post, which I believe I'm about to reach, is very welcome considering the day ended 51 minutes ago.

This will not be the last blog post. The title says "The End is Near," not "The End is Here." I think I might like to continue blogging, too. That might be fun.

Today's question is a simple one: as your senior year is coming to an end, just look back on how far you've come. If you feel so inclined, write about it. I think this could be very interesting, and I'm excited to see what people say.